That damn mouse is at it again. In the span of two months, you’re pumping out four different movies Avengers: Infinity War, Solo: A Star Wars Story, Incredibles II, and Ant Man & the Wasp) and, finally, the sheer volume is starting to show. You’re actually starting to slip up from your throne, and with the dynasty you’ve been unilaterally at the helm of, I’m more than smug about it.

The truth is, Disney, I’ve got a bone to pick with you. Several in fact. So, I’m going go down the list of your latest and greatest movies for 2018 starting, of course, with the juggernaut.

Avengers: Infinity War

It’s finally come: The culmination of a decade long, multi-billion-dollar project to make a universe of superheroes. First of all, congrats, Marvel. You did pretty damn well considering the onerous task of carrying that out. And since I was waiting literally years to see Thanos get off his stupid rock chair and kick the Avengers’ ass, this movie was not a disappointment. Since this is the only movie on the list presently out, spoiler warning.

I loved this movie just for that one reason. One of my main concerns before sitting down to watch was that Thanos was not going to have his time in the spotlight. Even with the two full movies to play with, I was irrationally afraid that Marvel would screw this up for everyone and make Thanos have a harder to time wiping the floor then he ultimately did. Good job, Marvel; you did not disappoint.  In fact you even did one better and made Thanos a compelling villain, one of the weakest links to your  prior Avengers titles.

In fact, as far as what was on screen, I was thoroughly enthralled. This was looking to be my favorite movie of the year so far. Unfortunately, I can’t mark it down as such because it is incomplete. In fact, I don’t even consider this a full movie because of the ending. You know exactly what I’m talking about.

Yes, some people are floored by the idea that Thanos did in fact succeed in retrieving all six Infinity Stones and fulfill  his promise of wiping half the universe’s life away. This resulted in the “death” of  Bucky, Black Panther, Groot, Scarlet Witch, Falcon, Mantis, Drax, Star-Lord, Dr. Strange, and Spider-Man. This is par for the course, as far as the direction the movie was headed, so let me clarify it now: The deaths don’t bother me. The ending does. Mostly, because there is no ending. It’s all a cliffhanger like a Saturday morning cartoon. What? 

Yes, yes, that’s the point. Infinity War Part 2 will come next year, very well. But that’s not how these works. You want to kill off half the universe? Fine. But there has to still follow a resolution from thereon. Instead, we have the last fifteen minutes (or more) devoted to this where the climax overstays its welcome.

I watched this, thoroughly confused, because of two things that were unintentional red herrings: 1. The slow manner and dramatic manner in which those killed crumbled to dust. 2. Dr. Strange’s infamous “1 out of 14,000,605 possibilities” line.

Marvel’s gotta milk every drop of emotion out of that scene as it can, I get it, but it provided such an unnecessary bout of confusion to it.

As for the second thing, oh.

Oh…

Oh, no. 

There is a lot of speculation on that 14 million possibilities thing, and for good reason. Many have predicted that Dr. Strange foresaw the entire disaster that eventually transpired, and intentionally set the path for Tony, Steve, and all the Phase 1 Avengers still standing to do the rest. Here lies my biggest fear and complaint of this two-part series: I’m worried Marvel has written them into a corner here. It’s not about what’s happened so far, but what’s yet to come. If Marvel continues as predicted for Part 2, that will be the stupidest and unearned resolution to a story that I’ve ever seen.

First off, the time stone is now in the possession of Thanos. So, any intention of Dr. Strange’s should be easily negated by that alone. If Dr. Strange was omniscient enough to see the 1 in 14,000,605 chance of defeating Thanos, Thanos, then would in turn, see that unbelievably minute chance of defeat and nullify it.

Secondly, if this prediction holds any muster, 14 million is a hilariously inadequate number of possibilities. Allow me to demonstrate.

This guy’s name is Claude Shannon. He’s a mathematician from the 20th century. Among many things he’s done, he made what is called the Shannon Number (10¹²⁰)—impossibly larger than 14⁶ . That is the low estimation for the total number of chess games (at a cap of 40 total moves). I think it is fair to consider chess more structured and closed off from variability than the entire universe. 14⁶ possibilities might be enough to cover the next…two seconds, but if I want to be extremely generous to Marvel, I’ll say twenty minutes—i.e. not a remotely possible explanation.

Of course, as it stands right now, this is conjecture. I only see half the picture, but with Disney’s affinity to plant seeds of information in their stories that come back around in big twists, it’s not so much a stretch that this is one of many surprises in store for Part 2: that Dr. Strange somehow, despite the two aforementioned problems, was playing extra-dimensional chess, the likes of which Thanos has never seen before. All I’m saying is, Marvel, if you have/had the urge to do this, well, don’t. It makes no god damned sense, and it feels, frankly, like the imaginative constraints of a kindergartner, which segues nicely into my next point.

The deaths in this movie utterly are meaningless. The stakes are already moot. You’re probably going to give everyone, including Loki, the Bucky Treatment and bring them back after Part 2. Remember what happened to Vision? How he was reassembled with the Time Stone with ease so Thanos could get his hands on the Mind Stone as he tore apart Vision a second time. How ironic, because that’s the exact amount of time and effort it’s going to take to undo all the problems that took place at the onset of Thanos’s rampage.

This is my problem with Marvel. They have some of the best storytellers in the world, but the plot always lacks stakes. The worst that’s happened at the end of not one, but two apocalyptic uprisings is that the Tony and Steve had a falling out. Rhodey’s been paralyzed, but by the next relevant installment, he’s got some bionic technology that completely nullifies that condition.

They won’t kill anyone absolutely. The only reason they’re letting half the world die and fall to shit right now is because everything is going to be reversed once—not when, once—the infinity gauntlet is under the Avengers control. I get it; it’s a superhero story, but don’t play high stakes if you’re gonna fold in the last second. What would really be a brave ending? Have the gauntlet and the stones destroyed before everything can be magicked back together.

Why not? You have people in abundance. It’s the best thing you can do is thin the herd right now—remind everyone that saving the world is actually really fuckin’ dangerous and people will always die in the attempt. What’s holding you back?

Ah, I see how it is. 

In all seriousness, I’m not condemning Marvel for this. I just wish that they would see the brick wall in front of them. The MCU is on the cusp of facing what comics have been plagued with for years: an unwieldy, complicated, and uncontrollable expansion of a canonical universe to such levels of complexity that putting everyone together after Phase four will take an Avenger saga that dwarfs the Lord of the Rings trilogy in total run time to keep things together. This is the ripe time to start culling characters, or at least subjecting them into alternate timelines/universes, but since you got rid of characters that are so obviously going to return (and quite quickly at that, if you look at the release dates), I do believe you’re on course for a disaster of a Part 2. There has to be a better twist in mind. Infinity War cannot end without some everlasting change to MCU—that is imperative.

I would pray for you, and hope my opinions are unfounded, but then again, you’ve been sucking in success as fast as is corporately possible without any serious competitor in the box office. Instead I give you back a quote you made for Thanos: “In time, you will know what it’s like to lose. To feel so desperately that you’re right, yet to fail, all the same. Dread it. Run from it. Destiny still arrives.” Good luck, my friend.

Solo: A Star Wars Story

Oh, boy. I don’t even want to touch this poor thing. It’s already too weak to stand on its own. Look, despite the box office success (and for Star Wars, Disney’s only concern is about that bottom line), Disney’s Star Wars is an asinine mistake. I’ll probably do a review on episodes VII & VIII next year, before IX comes out, but not for something as insignificant as this movie.

Disney has really dropped the ball with Star Wars for many reasons—disrespecting the extended universe lore that was establish and canon, producing en masse (five movies within five years, nearly doubling the Star Wars movies in half a decade), and following the tones and formula of Marvel (which does not translate well into Star Wars).

Solo could be outstanding, absolutely blowing the lid off all expectations, but it wouldn’t matter. The main titles have really deflated the current interest in Star Wars and Disney is no longer trusted with the brand. Instead of creating new content, they have been sucking the blood out of the Star Wars name and profiteering on old success. If you really wanted the past to die, Disney (from Last Jedi), you wouldn’t have brought Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, and Mark Hamill back to the set from day one. And you wouldn’t, in turn, be making this (and potentially many more) origin story movies out of George Lucas’s Original Trilogy characters. The marketing for this movie was beyond abysmal. Not a soul had even heard about this movie until a month before its release. For the all the hard work that others have put into this movie, Disney rewards them with a middle finger and slung horseshit to the face.

You had a chance to make something special from the mess of the Star Wars franchise. You were needed to bring stability and consistency in competence in a fictional universe plagued by myopic and mercurial writers. However, you decided instead to cash in. Fuck off, Disney.

The Incredibles II

Look, I absolutely loved The Incredibles. Probably my favorite animated movie of all time, but these trailers for its successor have been less than reassuring. Of course, Disney still delivers on being pristine in animation, but after fourteen years, I’m not sold on this rather bland premise. The biggest plot point revealed thus far is a…role reversal? I don’t know how big of a part this dynamic of Elastigirl doing literally the exact same thing Mr. Incredible learned not to do in the last movie, but the trailer certainly showcases that above all else.

Best case scenario, this trailer is misleading and lazily marketed, and the actual movie brushes by this plot point relatively quickly. Worst case, well, Mr. Incredible could potentially be benched from all action until the end of the second act as we either have Elastigirl taking over at center stage, or, Mr. Incredible struggling with the banal tasks of taking care of the kids while the mother’s away. Now where have I heard that story from before? (Cheaper by the Dozen, The Pacifier, Daddy Day Care, etc.)

My favorite part of the trailer was only 7 seconds long. It involved what I assume is the main antagonist (Screenslaver) followed by Bob calling Frozone to suit up. Then they made a kind of lame joke with his wife calling out in the background, to rehash the original movie’s great joke. The short of it is I’m seeing a lot of recycled material in the trailer. Way too much. A sequel that tries to copy the original always, always sucks because it’s essentially a rip-off of its own franchise.

Could Incredibles II still be unique? Of course. Two minutes and thirty seconds of run time shown hardly damns the movie to an early grave, but if this is at all indicative of what’s to come, I’m concerned Pixar might have royally screwed up this time. Cutting corners really shows in the end result.

Ant-Man & the Wasp

Ah, yes. The understudy of Avengers: Infinity War. I never really understood why this was planned smack in the middle of Infinity War, but for some reason, I’m not too concerned about that. Marvel’s pretty good with continuity, so they’ll probably give me my answer in the first few minutes of this film.

Contrary to intuition, I’m actually looking forward to this one. With Incredibles and Infinity War being in the lineup, this is a breath of fresh air. I don’t have high expectations, and that’s a good thing for once. Ant-Man didn’t have the gargantuan buildup that the aforementioned titles have. I don’t imagine it being a great movie that blows my socks off, but it’ll be fun. That’s a good way to end the summer, something relaxed, and not having a cast of characters more numerous than can be listed with a full roll of toilet paper.

I do, however, have one expectation: I want to see something new out of this partnership between Hope and Paul. God knows there’s enough dynamic duos in the MCU as is. Maybe in this movie I might actually learn how Ant-Man’s power work. I mean, the first one talked about removing space between atoms, which doesn’t take any actual mass away, but then had Hank Pym carrying a freakin’ tank on his car keys the whole movie, sooo…

Then again, the absurdity of Ant-Man was what made the first one hilarious and charming. Maybe that’ll keep together for a second movie. Here’s hoping.